Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I decided that I would title this blog awkward to speak about my own horrible awkwardness. I like to think I am a sociable person. I am outgoing, I don't really get too nervous in situations with new people, and I would like to think I can work a room. However, lurking underneath that fantastic (yes, I said fantastic) exterior is an completely awkward, mildly insecure person.
Now don't get me wrong. I do think positive things about myself and I know I am smart and not hideous and all that jazz, but still I can't help but question myself most of the time. I am not afflicted with such issues all day every day, but it really comes up when I am in dating or near dating situations or situations that could turn into dates or dating associates or anything to do with men actually.
Whenever I like someone I act like a moron. I'm sure this is that uncommon, but usually I can hide my awkwardness so that people don't realize it until it's too late. What causes me to be such a strange girl you ask? I like to blame my upbringing or maybe my sister, but I think it's all me. I make bad or inappropriate jokes, I get anxiety, I talk incessantly (yes, more then usual) and I get robotic in my movement because I am thinking about it so much. I wish I could just be normal, but unfortunately I'm not sure that's in my cards.
Perhaps some people like awkward ladies? I like awkward boys...not sure why but I do. Maybe I will just start watching Bridget Jones Diary over and over again and again until I know exactly what I shouldn't be doing. Oh no! What if I am Bridget Jones but younger...Perhaps I should just start drinking heavily so that I am drunk whenever I meet people and then I don't worry about it? I'll take suggestions...or dates.