Saturday, November 22, 2008

Historical Hobos...

Well you had to know it would be just a matter of time before hobos once again became a part of my blog.  And lucky for you (my readers and fans) it is exactly that time!!  Woohoo!

So, in my very interesting neighborhood there is a half-way house/homeless home of some sort.  Often times the residents of said "home" hang out outside and say weird things to the people as they walk past.  Most of the time they ask for things, but today it was a very special historic fact that I was tossed.

As I stroll past my local McDonalds deciding whether or not I should go in my hobo friend slurs at me that today is the anniversary of JFK's assassination.  At first I didn't know what she said and I just thought to myself, "that lady is crazy in the brain," (think of me saying it in a sassy voice).  However, after processing what she actually said I realized that in fact she was sharing with me a delightful historical factoid!

I keep track of historical dates and what not and this one just completely slipped my mind.  I need to appreciate my local hobos more often because sometimes I just don't know what I would do without them.  God Bless us everyone. 

On a side note I have a little conspiracy theory that I stole from Strangers With Candy (the best show ever made).  Stephen Colbert says that Fidel Castro dressed up as Marilyn Monroe and gave Kennedy a case of syphilis so bad it blew the back of his head off.  Chew on that one.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Pick Up Artist

Well I'm not sure if any of you enjoy crappy VH1 shows as much as I do, but I want to take this time to reflect upon the show, "The Pick Up Artist."  For those of you that don't know this show is about some creepy dude who has apparently figured out how to trick women into sleeping with him with no strings attached.  He wrote a book and now he has a show where he takes 9 socially retarded young men and teaches them how to have random sex with women who are dumb enough to fall for their tricks.  There are so many things wrong with this show I don't know where to start, but I suppose the fact that the man teaching these guys looks like a douche with his painted nails and goggles (no, he's not a swimmer) is a start.

I will start by saying I'm not sure who falls for "Mystery," the teachers fake name on the show.  He wears fuzzy hats, chain link shirts, and goggles that serve no purpose.  Maybe this is cute to some women, but I'm over it.  If he approached me in a bar I can safely say that no matter what he said I would still think he was a douche, but that's just me.  On top of that his whole schtick is teaching these sweet young dudes how to not be yourself and by doing that women will sleep with you.

I know dating is a game, I get that, but I think that the "art" of picking up women is ridiculous.  Obviously there's some validity to it or these dudes wouldn't have a show, but really who are the women this crap works on?  

So, the moral of the story is watching crappy TV will make you think about life and then you will be a better person...or something.