Sunday, January 11, 2009

Well shit...

Alright so you know how I was talking about my resolutions and how the year was good thus far because I had been able to go 8 days without seeing any hobo's privates.'s over now.

Last night I went out to my boss' birthday party. I didn't want to go because I was having some Crohnsy issues (I will not elaborate for you) and it was cold as really cold stuff, but I went anyway. Because I was totally sober and quite poor I decided to take the subway rather than a cab. I waited FOREVER for the stupid F train and then transferred to the C train. As I got on the C train I had no clue what I was about to encounter.

As I sat down to play some Guitar Hero on Tour I was ready for the long trek home. I knew I had to beat Kiss "Rock and Roll at Nite," so I had plenty of practicing to do. As I walked on the train I smelled something pretty disgusting, but seeing as it's a New York City subway it was nothing out of the ordinary. I put my scarf over my face and went back to my wicked guitar playing. Right as the doors shut an older man threw his bag on the train and then jumped on himself. He was wearing a long coat and dark jeans, but still had a homeless aura to him. I could see he was struggling with his junk, but just assumed he was just doing something to himself (live in NYC for a little bit and you will see that this is not rarity).

After about a minute of this man shifting around he pulled up his coat and I realized that he was urinating on himself. He apparently could not stop and finally just gave up and yanked his pants down, squated, and just started shitpeeing all over the floor. Shitpeeing is some blend of shitting and peeing that I could not distinguish and didn't care to investigate. I was only about 7 feet away from him and could not believe what I was seeing. I was appalled, saddened, and bewildered. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. (Oh yeah I was also so disturbed by all of this that I got off the subway on the wrong stop and ended up having to take a cab the rest of the way home).

Typically I try and find humor in stuff like this, but something about this incident (in comparison with all of the other times I have witnessed homeless men doing gross things in public) really disturbed me. Maybe it was the idea that he couldn't control himself or that he felt it was okay to pull his pants down on a train. Either way I'm still trying to find humor in it. Until then I'll let you all laugh at my expense. Maybe 2010 will be my no homeless flashing year.

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